Hypnosis Hijinx
by S. Sakurai
Summary: When Fullbody and Jango decide to put the latter's talent to good use to provide a little entertainment, nobody is safe from the good-natured humiliation. Good thing Hina, Smoker and Tashigi won't remember what they've been doing.


Hypnosis Hijinx

by S. Sakurai

Taking a little break from "Wasuremono" - don't worry, I'll continue it soon! But for now, something a little different...

"Errggh!" Crewman Fullbody mopped his brow with the one of his hands that was fully rust-proof. "What a day!"

"We must have hauled fifty loads of laundry up from the galley." his crewmate Jango agreed. "I'm going to take a little nap." He pulled out his chakram. "Just have to get my trusty sleep-aid here..."

"What are you two doing?" a cutting voice called imperiously. "You'll take no naps while you're still in the middle of your duties!" Their superior officer strode up to them and examined the bales of clothes at their feets. "THIS must be the Sergeant Major's." she sniffed, prodding a boldly patterned yellow-and-purple shirt. "It clashes with everything else and itself. Her dyes always run too. Hina-disgusted! I'll be glad when we go our seperate ways." Captain Hina turned her gaze to her men. "Why are your doing her laundry before mine? I've been waiting for my fresh clothes for hours!"

"Er, we just haven't gotten to it." Fullbody stammered. He didn't want to mention that every time one of them had made a move to grab Hina's bundle of pantsuits and silky dainties, it had nearly ended in jealous fisticuffs from the other.

"You two have a lot to learn about respecting your senior officers. Hina-upset!" Her cold eyes locked onto them like the steel cage that was her power. She advanced on her quivering subordinates. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't set you both to scrubbing every barnacle off the hull."

"Because.. because..." Jango raised his chakram. "... Because 1, 2, JANGO?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"... I made it THROUGH the WILDERNESS, somehow I MADE it THRRROOO-HOOO!" Hina warbled, gyrating wildly as the barrel she was balanced on wobbled precariously.

"She's not bad." Fullbody commented. "Is that her natural talent or the hypnotism?"

"I'm not sure." Jango said. "More popcorn?"

"Sure. I could watch this for hours."

"You realize that under normal circumstances, the hypnotism wears off eventually?"

"Oh, yes. Well, I guess we'll be able to tell when that is by her killing us."

"No, no, that's the best part--" Jango paused as Hina hit a particularly strong note and thrust her black-panty-clad derriere to within a few inches of his face. "We just command her to forget everything that's happened."

"I get it!" Fullbody grinned. "So in essense... this is a foolproof plan!"

"... TOUCHED for the HINA-FIRST TIIIIME...."

The door of Hina's cabin slammed open, falling off its hinges with the force of the kick.

"I'm trying to think, Hina, blast you!" roared Captain Smoker. "Would you kindly stop that horrible caterwauling?" His eyes went wide at the sight of his fellow officer dancing in her underwear as two crewmen looked on. "HINA! JANGO! FULLBODY! What the hell is going on here?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I am a fluffy cloud."

"That's right, fluffy cloud." Jango said. "Good work. It's nice and shady."

"Thank you." the cloud of smoke hovering over them said in delight. "I am a fluffy cloud."

"Right, right, you're a cloud. Keep it up."

"Your lemonade, Mr. Jango, and your North Blue Red, Mr. Fullbody." a hypnotized crewman said, presenting the two with a tray of drinks. Another crewman fanned them with a large palm frond while a third was hunched over Jango's feet giving a full pedicure.

"What's next on the entertainment bill?" Fullbody asked.

"Hina is Hina-eager to do more jumping jacks!"

"You've been jumping for six hours, Hina, for goodness' sake take a breather before you have a heart attack."

Jango looked around. "No, I think it's time for some impressions. Oh, Tashiiiigi!"

"Yes sir, Mr. Jango, sir!" the hypnotized sergeant major said, leaping to her feet and coming down again with a crash.

"You are no longer Sergeant Major Tashigi, the marine." Jango said, swinging his chakram over her head. "When I say the word, you will be ... a fish! One, two, Jango!"

The two men laughed uproariously as Tashigi flopped around the stage like a rubbery denizen of the deep.

"I'll be ready in a second! I got my feet stuck in --errgh-- in some rope!" she gasped. "Okay, what was that again?"

"Er, never mind. Why don't you be a seagull instead?"

At his words, Tashigi started flapping her arms madly and running around the deck in circles. Each attempt to launch herself into the air sent her crashing to the wooden planks again. She squawked in confusion.

"Oh, that's great!" Fullbody chuckled. "I've got one! Jango, make her think she's the straw-hat kid!"

"That ought to be good." Jango agreed. "Seagull, look at my chakram. You are now Monkey D. Luffy, the pirate captain!"

Tashigi blinked. "Huh? What am I doing here? HEY!!! It's the backwards-walking weirdo!"

"I'm not weird!" Jango snapped. "And you're here because ... uh... it's a marine/pirate ice-cream social to promote... uh... scurvy awareness."

"Oh." Tashigi rubbed her stomach. "I'm hungry! Where's the food?"

"That' him all right." Jango muttered to Fullbody, who nodded agreement.

"I am a fluffy cloud." Smoker said. "I provide relaxing shade. Tell bad ol' Mr. Sun 'eat shit'."

"I think it's wearing off." Fullbody said. "You'd better handle this before..."

By the time they'd fixed Smoker, the deluded Sergeant Major had vanished from sight.

"Oh well, she'll turn up." Jango sat back down under the cloud. "Do you feel rested enough to go back to jumping, Hina?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"That's the last one." Jango pulled the covers up to Tashigi's neck. After putting all the other Marines to bed, they'd finally found her in the kitchen, surrounded by the devastated remains of several hams, what had been half a side of beef, and thirty emptied cans of cocktail weiners.

"So, when they wake up tomorrow, they won't remember any of this?"

"They'll have memories of an ordinary, boring workday."

"You're sure about that? If we get caught, we'll be scraping barnacles into our nineties."

"We've never been caught before, have we?"

"... Huh?" Fullbody said. "We've never DONE this before."

"Well, about that." Jango coughed. "I erased your memory so you'd enjoy it more, but actually we do this every Friday." He picked up the chakram. "Now, off to sleep with you, and when you wake up, you'll remember none of today's events. One, two, Jango!"

Fullbody, still with a look of stunned surprise on his face, fell over backwards in instant slumber and was snoring before he hit the floorboards.

"I'd better get to bed myself." Jango yawned. "I don't think I'll even need my sleep aid tonight..."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Today's breakfast is bacon and eggs!" Fullbody said cheerily, wheeling the cart into the officer's dining room and setting out the three plates. "And of course, Jango can get you orange juice or coffee."

Tashigi stared down at her plate with a sick expression. "I... I don't think I can eat this." she moaned miserably, stifling a belch. "It doesn't make a bit of sense, but I feel like I've already eaten my weight in food. I guess I'm just a little bloated." She slumped back in her chair.

"I thought you looked a little puffy." Hina said mildly. "It must be something odd in the weather. My legs are Hina-killing me this morning."

"Do I have to hear you two talking about your feminine problems over breakfast?" Smoker growled angrily.

"Well! Hina-offended! Do YOU have to be such a grouch in the morning?"

"Just drop it." Smoker said sullenly, holding out his mug. He told himself not to let it get to him. Nobody could KNOW that he'd had those dreams of being a cuddly, fluffy little cloud, after all.

Jango just whistled innocently as he poured the coffee.


End file.
